We just got back from a 3 week trip to Ontario for Christmas. It was so great in many ways and Jude adjusted well to being held ALL the time. I really didn't mind since it gave me a break.
Before we left for the trip I had trained him that at nap time, I nursed him and put him down awake in his crib. Sometimes he didn't even nurse and he managed to put himself to sleep. Nap times were great, mind you he was waking up frequently through the night, but nap times were great. I knew that in Ontario everyone was going to want to hold Jude all the time and I let him be rocked to sleep for naps. It was good bonding for him with Auntie Goose and Grandma. But now we are reeping what we've sown.
Of course he doesn't want to go to sleep on his own, I wouldn't want to either if I had the choice. I'd love to be cozied up next to the people that love me the most. To feel their warmth and heart beat next to my body as I'm gently hushed into dream land. So how horrible is it that I am now refusing him this luxury again? He's almost 8 months and clearly knows how to self-soothe so it seems that the only option for nap time now is to let him cry. I hate it! It tears at me. I remind myself that he's resilient and that this is an important skill for him to learn. I become aware that the anxiety I feel is mine and not his, and that he has to protest what he doesn't want. I do it all the time.
I believe strongly that an infant's wants and needs are the same. That you cannot spoil an infant. That their tears mean something. Yet I also believe that learning to self-soothe and being ok apart from mommy and daddy is essential to their development. When Jude is crying I tell him, "mommy knows your cry means something." I want him to trust himself and his voice. I want him to know I will respond when he needs me. Because of this, logic tells me that ignoring his cry at nap time is the opposite message I want to send. Yet my gut says, he's resilient and needs to learn this...again.
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Jude knows you love him and will be there when he needs you but I think it's good that he learn maybe you won't be there every time he wants you. You'll be able to tell the difference in his cry when he needs you. We just started letting Livi cry it out a bit this week. It is soooo hard. If I'm not busying myself with something I can barely stand it! I got all the dishes and laundry done yesterday though! Thankfully, with consistency, it shouldn't take long. After three days of doing it inconsistently and one day of doing it consistently she put herself back to sleep last night with out me and only 5 minutes of crying!
ReplyDeleteLetting the babies cry I think was one of the hardest things I had to learn. The only way I found I could cope throught was to do the 5-10-15-ect minute interval thing. Worked with my kids. My sister tried that and didn't find it worked so well. Follow your gut :0)
ReplyDeleteI have come to your blog through facebook, and look forward to reading more of what you write. I find the blogger community an encouraging place to exchange ideas and thoughts.
ReplyDeleteYour Jude is a sweet little guy :) Cliche as it sounds, parenting is one of the most challenging and rewarding jobs out there...
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